Memorable Quote to LIVE by:

"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it, or else you're going to be locked up." Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Friday, November 12, 2021

Made it Home and Moose

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
Shaved 21 minutes off my record back home.  2 and a Half Hours flat.  Average speed 82 MPH.  Not a single 5-0 in the entire ride.  Only time it got 'hairy' was on the back roads.  Had to keep a keen eye open for deer, as it's that time of year and I didn't want to destroy the car with hitting Bambi.

True story:  Buddy of mine was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up North in Maine.  Turned a corner on a back road and hit a fucking Moose.  Totally deeee-stroyed his ride, fucked him up and the Moose?  Stood up, huffed at the wreckage and ambled off into the hinterlands.  Took two hours before a passer-by came on the wreck (this was pre-cell phones) and then an additional hour for the rescue guys to get to him.  He lived but walks with a limp.
Hates Moose too. 
Goes hunting for 'em every year he can, when he draws a tag.
Wants his revenge apparently.

Another true-Moose-story.  I used to after Gulf One live in the foothills of the White Mountains.  Little shitty Trailer.  Singlewide.  ZERO insulation, and winters there were a ball freezing bitch let me tell you.  We used to have to wear 3 pairs of socks, two pairs of sweats, and I slept in the winter in my extreme cold issue DotMil Fartsack... cozy cozy.  It was a Prime deer poaching area though.  No one really around.

Closest local town was Farmington... it was a flyspeck back then.  Heard it got bigger.  But we used to go into town for supplies and ammo at the local gun shop.  One fall, we heard that the guys (the real locals) who hung out on the reg at the gun shop talking that they'd 'drawn a tag' for the Annual Moose hunt.  In Maine and NH there's a limited amount of Moose Tags to legally hunt them big fuckers.  Really limited.  So the guys told us to stock up on ammo (it was a weekly resupply for us back then every Wednesday to get ammo and food) as they'd be all gone the following week for the Great Moose Hunt.

And they were.  We went back the week after and found everyone sitting around, a bit dejected.  We inquired as to why, and it seems that after allllll the preparation, all the planning, all the getting ready for a week in the woods, they set out on Sunday, with the intent of coming back the next Sunday IF they didn't bag a Moose.  If they DID bag one, they'd be back that same day as the kill, as they didn't want the meat to spoil, and THAT much meat they couldn't store... a Moose'll run you 1600 pounds, 500-600 pounds of good meat when processed.

So, they went out, convoy style with the RV, couple of Pickups and a trailer full of ATVs.  They went waaaaaaaaaay out into the boonies, down the main powerline trail with the BIG Towers that carry power to and from Canada and whatnot... them GIANT powerlines you see.  They were setting up camp, when they suddenly heard a "Ka-BOOM!" and look over to see the Local Preacher who was accompanying them holding his rifle, still smoking, and saying "By God I got 'im!"  Looking over to the next hill just in time, they saw the Moose fall over stone dead.  Seems as soon as the Preacher got out of the pickup, he spotted the Moose on the next hillcock, and cut a round out right then, and right there.

So much for a week off of work and away from teh wimmenfolks Aye?

Yeah... a good kill, but man, them boys weren't happy none too much, and even worse, they really couldn't blame the guy, as sometimes -finding- a Moose is half the battle, nevermind actually capping one...  They ended up mounting it's nugget and putting it in the gun shop.  Even gave us some Moose Jerky they made... really good stuff.

But, just a quick one for now.  Dumbunny's been sick, the house is trashed so's now after being gone I have to clean the whole house.  I'm doing laundry first, already loaded and run the dishwasher, and then I have to change the sheets on MY bed 'cos the bitch don't respect boundaries and ate crackers on my fucking bed, so's the sheets are crunch nasty.  Add on the floor feels gross... she spilt soda all over or something...

Maaaan this's getting old.
So More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country


  1. Get an electric dog fence and put it under the carpet where you don't want her to go, and put a fucking shock-caller on the dumb bitch. Special bonus points if the system has a remote to function as an electronic anti-bark tool.


    Start charging her rent and allow her to work off the money in cleaning and yard work and shit.

    Or you need to go full DI on her ass. Do the whole inspection of her room and have fun finding faults. (Hell, at this point, you gotta get what fun from the situation that you can.)

    Other than that, yeah, moose. Swampdonkeys will fuck up your car. Strange story, got to work on rebuilding a guy's boat who flipped a cow over the top of his van and into his custom 30' mega-fisher boat (late 70's, so in today's world it would be 'antiquated') and wiped out the whole front cabin and control area. In the summer. In Florida. What a friggin stench mess that was.

  2. What does DB’s mom have to say about it.

    That is the true measure.

  3. Moose can also dive up to 20' in search of aquatic vegetation.

    As a result, they are occasionally the target of orcas (killer whales).

  4. Looks like DB needs a babysitter (for HER, not the Granbebe). Your experience is a perfect example of why I don't allow my lazy stepson to eat in his bedroom. It's bad enough he can't pick up the half-finished soda cans in his room.

    1. Absolutely, my college age daughter moved out 10 days ago with her burger flipping boyfriend. Her room almost needed power washing. I said to never eat in there because she is a slob--did she ?
      Of course she did and soon was bitching that ants were biting her because they were chowing down on the shit she dropped all over !!
      She was too lazy to even put down bait traps which she knows I have under the kitchen sink (FYI in Florida always have good ant bait traps, (little SOBs will always get in).

      Once she feels better, BCE needs to lay down the law with DB. My wife and I did with MY DB and I said "either follow the rules or hit the road" and she picked the road which I'm sorry to say has made my life WAY easier.

  5. can you get her tubes tied?
    hope you get custody of number two

  6. Someone I used to work with had similar but different problems with son and DIL. Both were sorry, and the only thing they wanted to do was play in this half-assed "band" they started. Gigging for beer sort of half-assed. Had two little girls.

    Dad and StepMommy put them up in a rent trailer they owned. Pretty soon it was trashed. You could smell the place at the road if the breeze was right. So they told them they had 2 weeks to clean p or leave. "But what about the kids?!" came the wail.

    They got the best answer ever. "We'll take care of the kids. You can starve in a cardboard box under a bridge for all we care." I think the shock that the gravy train had left the station without them actually made them think. Last I heard the son is running a construction crew, DIL is manager in a pawn shop and they bought their own house, which is kept in a clean and healthy condition.

  7. When we live in southern New Hampshire someone hit a moose in a car on the main highway, the thing ended up on top of the car because it was so tall. Those things are dangerous.