Memorable Quote to LIVE by:

"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it, or else you're going to be locked up." Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Good News and VA

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
Great news today on Ye Olde Home Front in oh so many ways.  First, Dumbunny is now and utterly under MY absolute total despotic control.  I, plainly put, utterly lost my collective shit last night.  The final straw was her asking to 'rent a movie' on Amazon, to which I asked A) How much and B) Why?  To which she tells me $5.99 and "Well, I was just checking because I already rented it..."

That sat on me for a few minutes until I suddenly had the realization that she felt entitled to ordering a movie with my money when I'm literally scrimping and saving every. fucking. dime around here, and that if there was a movie she wanted to see, Me or Sapper could download it off of a pirate site no issue.

I blew the fuck up.  Even Wifey was afraid.  

See, 'round here?  Even Wifey asks for permission BEFORE I let her do the 'ordering a movie' thing 'cos I account for every dime in or out.  Ever since XWife lost me that HUGE boodle of $750K, I 've been a hawk with the ducats and shekels.  And this little bitch just went and blew $6 of my cash?  Oh hell to the fucks to the nopes.

So, that's settled.  Won't go in-depth too much, but lets just say that if I tell her to jump, her standing orders are to levitate until I give her an altitude vector.

Or Else.

Then, The other great news?
New Job in Glorious Peoples Republic again!  New Gig for BCE!!!  Urrah!!!!   I got and signed an offer letter today, and it's going to be somewhat interesting work I think.  I owe it to the Gray Man who's a regular here who hooked a brother up and got my resume into the right hands.  I'll -finally- be meeting up with him, and gifting him some well-earned Thankees as I'm now back in the groove, and loving it.

Unemployment never did kick in... I got a letter saying they were 'researching' the issue.  Almost 8 weeks later Aye?  That's DotGov for you... fucking over and fucking up the little guy since 1780.

Which then brings me to another 'rabbit hole' so to speak.
I got a strange letter/package in the mail today from the VA.  Specifically (and I know, TMI) a poop-testing kit.  Which I find very odd as I haven't heard of anyone ordering any such test for me, nor would I get something like this, as I'm all sorts of all over my Med side of the house, as in lots of 'stuff' being tracked. 

This test is the "FIT" test, fecal immunochemical test, which is supposed to test for blood in the poo.  Now yeah, I'm over 50, but even then, every three years I get the colonoscopy done since I was 40 'cos that's what kil't Dad.  Colon Cancer is a real scare in the fam, and nevermind that I -already- have a metric fuckton of cancer screenings every year since I lost that airbag to the Big "C", I found it really odd that this thing showed up, unordered, unwanted and in my opinion unwarranted.

In fact there's no order paperwork in it.  Just a rando-set of instructions and "Do this and send it back."  Now, paranoid bastard that I am, let me as if any of Y'all out there have gotten anything like this recently?  My paranoia is based on what else can this test reveal/test for?  

'Cos the COVID Ass-Test Swab is real from what I heard... Can they also test yer shit (literally!) to see if you got the Notavaxx or Not?  Inquiring minds...  as in "test to see if you got it or not"  Not for nuthin', t'aint anyones biddness anyhow...  See, I talk with ALL my docs like on the regular.  Not the 'once a year' thing, but a shrink every 3 weeks, and my primary care doc at least every 90 days, plus my weight-loss/nutritionist, and that doesn't even cover Oncology, Rheumatology, Pulmonology... hell I got a whole boatload of Docs I see and talk to on the reg, and not one of them ordered this here thing.

I'ma trashing it.  I may trust my docs, but the Veterans Administration as a institution/organization?  Oh fuck no.  I got more faith in -anything- than any federally run shytte these days Aye?  It may say "In God We Trust" on our cash, but the FedGov?  Fuck no.

So, I start next week after the upcoming festivities.  We got a Ham, Turkey and all the normal fixins.  Should be a great meal and then OMFG Leftovers.
So More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country


  1. Take that unordered shit test and find a neighborhood dog.
    Need I go further?

    1. You beat me to it Sedition... I would suggest a large dog. Closer in size and all... believe me that will fuck with whomever sent it.

    2. Mr. Bigcountry. This is the VA. You have heart worms. Please make an appointment.

    3. I 2rd this.... find a robust young St Bernard... or a Great Pyrenees... anything that poops in lbs... fill that baggy up and send her in...

      after all... they didn't tell ya it had to be "your poop" specifically... since there were no instructions...

  2. you control might not last that long with DB. at least that is what I had with my DB kid. at the end of it, put her ass on a non stop plane to the ex and let her deal with it. look into swamp tours might be a better long term idea to this problem. just saying. as for the VA, well I trust my doc a bit, she still a bit too believing in the gov't bullshit.
    but for the most part, you be better off not trusting them on anything not on paper.
    used to be your dr. gave you the poop test, and then you send it to three of your closest friends (not! ) but out the blue ? I wouldn't trust it either. stay safe, sorry to hear about the ex burn, mine wasn't as bad as yours but close enough . wish you luck with DB !

  3. You should have picked up same random dog poop and sent that in.

  4. I"m glad you threw the fear of B into DB.

    And even more-so for the new gig! Just in time!

  5. Glad you went full DI on Dumbunny. She's been needing it. Just... watch for her to start sliding and come down on that like a shipping container full of depleted uranium.

    As to Thanksgiving and leftovers, fuck yeah. Will eat turkey sammiches for days. And the same dinner for 4 nights (turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce and candied sweet potatoes) and then the meat will get sorted and chunked and put away for turkey pot pies. Carcasses to go into freezer for New Year's turkeys and then it all gets boiled down into stock, drained and then boiled down further, cooled, fat removed and then saved for said turkey pot pies. I love me some homemade turkey pot pie. Yum. Fuck, now I'm hungry.

    Glad one of your readers was able to hook you up with gainful. Good on ya out there in reader land.

    And if you can't talk about it? So what? You have had an interesting life and there's lots to talk about.

    Let's hope the jury in the Arbery case finds for self defense and not guilty on all charges!

  6. Well, I've heard Kim Jong has a personal toilet in every vehicle he rides in so no one can analyze his doodo and possibly come up with some sort of kill device(?). Doubt they care about his cholesterol.

  7. Awesome on the new gig! Looks like some of the good luck that was back ordered for you is getting shipped.

  8. Word to the wise, in this environment be even more vague about the specifics of the new jobs, but congrats on the gig! Hope this won't interfere with your blogging and general shit-poasting.

  9. Congrats on the gig, good luck with DB, have a happy Turkey Day, and all the usual shit one says around this time of the year, although in your case I actually mean it.

    I'm spatchcocking my bird this year, which sounds like an unwholesome sex act, but is supposed to produce very good results. We'll see.

  10. Congrats on the gig, that should take some pressure off of you.

    DB reminds me so much of my college age daughter who just moved out 2 weeks ago. She showed me and my wife nothing but contempt and never said thank you or had a drop of gratitude for all that we did for her. Instead she felt entitled to everything I have, she's a victim never responsible for anything and I'm a "rotten no good SOB" for trying to make her act like an adult.
    She moved out with burger boy, after I literally almost had to power wash the room she was staying in (she was living in an almost hoarder hovel it was so nasty), and she's ghosted us since she moved out.

    Since she moved out, the peace and quiet and lack of drama has been wonderful. I learned the hard way that you cannot help a person who doesn't want to help themselves, don't waster your time, money or energy. If it comes down to it, keep the 2 grand babies but kick DB's ungrateful ass out the door !

    1. Soon you'll see her as an anchor woman on CNN..

  11. Unemployment never did kick in... I got a letter saying they were 'researching' the issue. Almost 8 weeks later Aye?

    Melanin deficiency?

  12. BCE~ Congratulations on your new employment. I do hope that the new assignments will be worthy of your life experiences and not cause issues for your health and safety. DB needs some time being penitent for her self centered ways. You do not need to come home to a harried Mrs. and a trashed filthy home. Have a Blessed Thanksgiving. Red

  13. Received a kit through my Community Care doc but not from the VA directly. The doc who ordered it had never physically examined me, reviewed my file, etc. He is part of an internal committee set up to automatically order tests like this based on age, co-morbidities, etc.

    I "raised the roof" an inch or two to find out who ordered it and why/how because the VA and Community Care gave a collective shrug when I questioned it. "It's a good idea, right? Just go ahead and do it. What could it hurt?"

    Heck, no.

    Blue Tile Spook

  14. What a wasted opportunity!

    I'd have used dogshit from any of the available piles in my yard.

    You said a fecal test, you didn't specify whose.

  15. Long overdue for Dumbunny.

    I set the bar for my kids once they turned 18. You are now a guest here. A guest at my pleasure, entiled to nothing - food, heat, cash, car repairs, tuition. They knew they were expected to follow house rules. They all did, and eventually moved out.

    I told them what I was told - you are expected to go to school, get a job, and move. Not neccessarily in that order.